Why Marriage Can Only Be Between One Man and One Woman
As we consider the issue of same-sex marriage, and as a growing number of politicians lend their support in favor of such an arrangement, it would be wise for us to think through the implications of what is being proposed.
The most common arguments put forward in favor of the government recognizing same-sex marriages concern equality and freedom. That is, many think that gays and lesbians should have the same right to a legal marriage that heterosexuals have, and that if two people love each other and want to be committed to one another, they should have the freedom to have that commitment accepted by the government, and therefore to enjoy all the legal benefits of marriage.
On the surface, this view seems to be progressive, tolerant, and accepting, and to be opposed to this view seems backward, intolerant, and oppressive. Many would see this as a civil rights issue that has parallels with the previous struggle to bring equality to women and African-Americans in America.
But in our desire to be accepting and tolerant of all views, is it possible that we have missed some more fundamental matters?
Let me ask you to write out what you think a good definition of marriage should be.
Now test your definition: Could it cover a committed relationship between a mother and her son, or a father and his daughter? Could it include a brother and his sister? Why or why not? Does your definition of marriage include a man and two or more wives? Could you include a relationship between a woman and two or more husbands? Why or why not?
Let’s take it a step further: What about the marriage of a man to his dog, or of a woman to her cat? What about the union of a person to his company or the commitment of a person to her clothes? Where do you draw the line… and why?
The problem is that re-defining marriage from the sacred bond of one man and one woman to two men or two women must open the door to the Pandora’s Box of infinite absurd possibilities.
Once you tinker with definitions that for thousands of years have been based on foundational truths, you sever the words from the reality the denote, and you end up like the Mad Hatter with Alice in Wonderland, using words to mean what you choose them to mean.
If people can redefine marriage to mean whatever they want it to mean, then words have no true meaning anymore, and everything will be relative. This will eventually result in chaos and anarchy.
Marriage, to quote one set of scholars, is a “Comprehensive union of two sexually complementary persons who seal (consummate or complete) their relationship by the generative act—by the kind of activity that is by its nature fulfilled by the conception of a child. So marriage itself is oriented to and fulfilled by the bearing, rearing, and education of children.” This conjugal view of marriage states in complex language what would have been a truism until a couple generations ago. Marriage is what children come from.”
This leads to a second matter that has been skipped over in the discussion about same-sex marriage, namely, the anatomical and wonderful complementary differences between a man and a woman. Whether you hold that we evolved this way or we were created this way, it is very clear that males and females were physically and sexually meant for each other. The sexual organs of a human male match perfectly with the sexual organs of a human female, and in order for the human race to propagate, it requires a man and a woman. Two men will not do, nor will two women suffice.
A few years ago, I need to replace the ends of a 50 ft. garden hose. When I arrived at the hardware store, I had to decide whether I needed a “male coupler” or a “female coupler.” The former screws into the latter, thus making it possible to connect two hoses, or to connect the hose to the outside faucet. If I had a hose with either two male ends or two female ends, it would not be functional. Perhaps I could duct tape it to another hose, but it would be obvious… especially under pressure…that hoses are meant to function by having a male end and a female end. The same holds true for a marriage.
Think through the number of things in your house that are able to function and perform precisely because they are designed with something that plugs into or screws into something else, and in each case, they would not function if the two ends were the same. Light bulbs, every electric appliance, nuts and bolts, keys and door latches, wooden chairs, salt and pepper shakers, every metal pipe and so many more things work well because of this universal principle. To go against it is to weaken or destroy many of the bonds that hold things together… and to go against this principle in marriage is to ultimately weaken and destroy families and societies.
A third argument that needs to be re-examined in the push for same-sex marriages is that children do fine with two mommies or two daddies. Some recent studies say that the gender of the parents isn’t important; what matters is the parenting skill of the couple.
But no one really knows what long-term effect same-sex marriages will have on not only the children they raise, but on the generation after that. How does the boy who is raised by two mommies come to grips with his masculinity, and how does the girl raised by two daddies learn true femininity?
If masculinity and femininity are different, then one cannot simply substitute one for the other in the parenting formula, and hope to arrive at the same results.
“Opposite sex parenting gives children examples of both masculinity and femininity in action, and the complementary interaction of these qualities enables them to grow up with a healthy and balanced view of life and relationships.”
Two women can both be good mothers, but neither can be a good father. Two men may both be good fathers, but neither can be a good mother.
I am the father of five sons. I have seen in my sons, and in every son I have observed, that for a boy to become a man, he must at some point detach from his mother and identify with his father.
“The Father’s role is to show his son what mature masculinity looks like and teaches him how to control his aggressiveness and his sexual impulses. A father’s strength and presence command a kind of respect a boy needs to learn self-restraint. It’s no secret that boys without fathers are much more likely to become delinquent and wind up afoul of the law.”
For thousands of years, in almost every culture, the proven norm for good parenting has included a father and a mother, and now we want to tinker with this formula?
A fourth perspective that should be considered is what did Jesus say about same sex marriages? When he was asked about marriage and divorce, Jesus said:
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ ? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Matthew 19:4-6; Mark 10:6-9)
Jesus quoted from the creation narrative in Genesis 1 and 2, showing that the God-given pattern for marriage, transcending all earthly time and all cultures, is one man with one woman, for life.
Indeed, the Bible goes on to tell us that the marriage relationship between a man and a woman is a reflection of the greater and eternal true commitment between Jesus, the Bridegroom, and the church, the bride He came to earth to love, die for, and lead. In fact God’s Word tells us that earthly marriages between one man and one woman were designed to point to the higher spiritual truth of God’s love for us, especially in the covenant bonds that Jesus came to establish with His Beloved people.
The flip side of this truth is that those who would seek to reverse the Biblical pattern of marriage are actually twisting, deforming, and perverting the sacred marital bonds that God has established. They are rebelling against the will of their Creator, claiming to be wiser than He is, and rejecting His loving leadership over them.
Therefore I urge you to uphold the traditional and true definition of marriage, which is only between one man and one woman. Thank you.
Pastor Louis Prontnicki
Maple Glen Bible Fellowship Church
Maple Glen, Pa 19002